THIS FLOW OF NOURISHMENT IS HERE FOR ME, IF I ALLOW

• Today's suggested practice: Day 13of this month's practice... (see below)

• My playlist while writing today's meditation: Bill Evans, My Man's Gone Now (Live 1961) 

• My morning practice: 90 minutes of physical, yogic, and meditative practice, including Linking with the Infinite mantra and pranayama, and Infinite Trust pranayama and meditation

• My vulnerability practice: Just receive. Just breathe to receive.

—Hans Peter Meyer

TODAY'S MEDITATION Do I ever know what's happening, really? No.

How do I live with this uncertainty? Practice. And the practice starts with my breath, with learning to ground myself in the man I am, opening my heart to receive everything without resistance, as nourishment that I need, whether I know this or not.

Some things inspire frustration and anxiety, or worse. A small thing: a couple of social media platforms I've relied on to reach potential readers and students and clients, and to communicate with existing readers, clients, students, have started to limit what I can post or send. First I tighten, to "protect," even attack! Then, I breathe, and allow this to unfold as it needs to unfold. What do I learn? That my discomfort with "marketing" is answered with an opportunity to let go of "marketing." And, to invite my readers and students and clients to participate with me on the apprenticeshiptolove.com platform rather than social media. And, interestingly, to receive the generosity of those readers who are now choosing to pay for their subscriptions, even though I've offered them at no charge for "early readers." Thank you readers and students and clients for your support. And, thank you to these social media platforms for pushing me to take some steps I've been procrastinating about for months now...

I do not know how or where Her flow takes me, what treasures She brings me. Resisting, I am always caught in the back-eddy of my limited imagination, my fears, my desperate measures to "make shift happen," as I used to say. Instead of resistance, I am learning to welcome the beautiful uncertainty She brings me.

Sometimes I need to be still. Other times, to allow my body to speak words I've hardly thought. The other day I said to my beloved, Right now I feel no "need" in this relationship. I have wants. But not needs. I don't "need" you to do anything, or say anything. I love you. And I love how I feel, loving you, without needs. "I like that," she said. A flower blossoming, warmed by my gentle, undemanding embrace as her husbandman.

I like this too. Discovering that this beautiful feeling of love that I've been wanting and needy for all of my life is, somehow, mine to experience, whenever I want to experience it! A miracle.

This is how She flows. Beyond my understanding. Nourishing me in ways I didn’t know I needed to be nourished.

Maybe there is only one lesson in this life: to slow down, to allow myself to be "stuck" in the mud, to wallow without seeming purpose or direction, allowing Her all the time and space She needs to blossom into the lotus of my life? Allowing my beloved all the time, all the space she needs to blossom as the lotus of my life.

And so I sit, and recognize this mud, the mud of social media platforms and their inscrutable ways, the mud of my frustrations, the mud of this slow slow time as Her gifts to me.

Oh! How slow I’ve had to become to feel THIS moment of slow as beautiful nourishment; I’ve been so busy looking to my heart I didn’t notice what my roots were receiving.

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONS🌀 Paradoxical as it may seem, the purposeful life has no content, no point. It hurries on and on, and misses everything. Not hurrying, the purposeless life misses nothing, for it is only when there is no goal and no rush that the human senses are fully open to receive the world. (Alan Watts)

🌀 In order for the lotus (upper chakras) to grow we need strong roots (lower chakras), deep into the mud, no mud no lotus. The technique of Kundalini Yoga allows you to go deep into ‘the mud’ and by doing this liberate the energy there and clear out trauma and negativity, so we can truly embody the purpose of our soul as a wholesome human being. (Tim and Marieke, Kundalini Yoga School, Infinite Trust sadhana, Day 12)

🌀 You're not like that now. (My beloved, My Oracle)

TODAY'S SUGGESTED PRACTICE

Day 13 of this month's practice, 11 minutes to wonder about purpose and feelings and discomfort...

Please read through first, then ...

• Today, sit (or stand) in stillness with one question: What discomforts do you feel when you consider that your lack of purpose may be your greatest offering to this moment?

• Set your timer for nine minutes.

• Sit or stand. Align yourself by breathing slowly through your nose and down through your softened throat. Feel the "almost-snoring" of your breath as it passes into your body, filling your belly, your heart, pressing down into your pelvis. Tuck your chin and gently lift your chest. Lift out of your pelvis, letting your pelvis and legs become heavy, dropping into the earth below. ... Close your eyes.

• Feel your breath opening your body and let this question of purpose or lack thereof settle into your opening body... let this question open you with every breath...

• Breathe into wherever the question settles, or where it stirs, pokes, prods, irritates... Notice and breathe into any discomfort... Your awareness is the powerful presence that allows you to hold more than you imagine, to feel more than you believe possible, to receive more than you imagine. Breathe long, slow, deep breaths into any sensations of pain or discomfort or frustration or wonder ... Allow these sensations to lead you deeper into yourself, into the powerful presence of who you are... and your capacity to receive life, more life, always more life...

• As the timer signals the end of this short 11 minutes of feeling into yourself and purpose or lack thereof, allow your eyes to slowly open. Notice the peace and absence of pain in the room or forest in which you are sitting. The sheer emptiness of purpose that is open to everything. Allow this space to flood with gentle pleasures.... And as you step into your day notice how you are able to hold space for so much more, without shyness, without flinching, trusting yourself to be enough. More than enough, so much more that life becomes joy.

More meditations, practices, and inspirations at apprenticeshiptolove.com

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